For the Love of Words

Well, I’m back. Post-breakup. Guess what brought me back to life? WORDS! Of my friends, of God, of books!

And I’m better than ever. I have more energy, I feel. And let me tell you all the extraordinary things people have been saying to me.

‘Sarah, I can see by your countenance that you haven’t been running.’ -Brad Hepner

Moral of said quote: I need to start exercising again. Ian Mills said: MAKE time. Well, if I could MAKE time, I’d be immortal or something.

I was playing with words, and reading through my journal; I found a brilliant quote from myself.–>

‘Ian is complacent & Lyn is complaisant.’ Here is a perfect example of what you can do with the English language. If you would look up the definition of these two words, you could then understand a key personality difference between these two humans in my life. Now, ofcourse, Ian isn’t truly complacent, but fundamentally, these words paint a picture with which I cannot argue.

‘We have bad farts, but good hearts’ -My roommates. I feel this speaks for itself. I, however, would like to say that I am not included in this ‘we’. But, I do have a good heart. 😉 Flatulence is a touchy subject for even the most despicable.

‘He was a million miles from a million dollars, but you could never spend his wealth.’ – One Republic.

Said quote is one that describes my life to a T. (A tee? A tea? I don’t know.)

Here is a bit of wisdom that I have learned and would like to share with the fellow human race:

When people are offended by something you’ve said, it’s because they know/believe it’s true and it upsets them that you pointed it out.

Here are a few rules to abide by, if you are character building:

1. Be your own person. There’s already a version of everyone else. You’re an original. Literally, no one else has the same DNA. Think about that one.

2. Have your own opinions, but know that your opinions are not end-all. It’s foolish to think so.

3. Learn to think. Read “The Little Blue Thinking Book” by Brandon Royal. You won’t regret purchasing this and perhaps passing it on to your loved ones, eventually.

4. Coffee isn’t THE way, but it is A way. And an EFFECTIVE way, at that.

5. Invest in cleaning supplies. A dirty floor is a sad, sad, sad floor.

6. Brush your hair out. It really makes a difference.

And finally-

7. Never forget and always remember that when someone loves you, you’ll know it. Love is a tremendous thing.

Yours, truly.

 

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” -Albus Dumbledore

 

Post-Mortem Diagnosis: Died of a Broken Heart

Hello.

For the record, I’d like to say that I realize now with an extraordinary amount of sorrow what it’s like to have your heart broken. Not because the one you love said you’re ugly or slapped you across the face. No. That’s not it. Not because he said you’re stupid and worthless and have no hope for life. No. That’s not it.

Rather, it’s because he said he doesn’t like your family. That, in essence, is far worse than all the preceding insults combined. That is to cut deep within the soul, and to leave it there bleeding. Yet WHAT kind of person will so easily disrespect the loved ones of their loved one? I know not. But I couldn’t have guessed that the feeling that has been eating away at my soul was because I could feel the dislike radiating from him toward the people I love the most in the world.

My friends, no one deserves that. I wouldn’t even wish it upon him.

I’d like to say that I don’t really have words to describe how much it hurts to think about.

I don’t have words to describe how empty I feel that he doesn’t even know how to apologize, that he never will, and he will probably never know that he needs to. All I can say is that I hope he never does this to anyone else. No woman deserves such sorrow.

Before he dropped this bomb of Cold War caliber, I was going to give him this quote to describe how I’ve been feeling uncared for.

 

“When men are respected, they feel cherished. When women are cherished, they feel respected.”

And, unfortunately, I feel neither cherished nor respected and I never did. And, unfortunately, that is the truth.

Gift-wrapping :)

Among other things, I have been preparing gifts lately. Whether it is my year-late graduation gifts for my two best friends, or a very-much-on-time birthday gift for my other half, I have refused to wrap the gifts without class. I have resorted to twine around cardboard-colored wrapping paper with various decorations. 

I tried twining two peacock feathers together and attaching a card to Michael’s gift which turned out to be very successful! It resulted in a gorgeous color scheme. For my friends’ gifts, I glued on flowers and pearls. Needless to say, I’ve attached pictures of my work. 

Naturally, I guess one of my ways of saying that I care is to give people gifts. I love receiving gifts, too-especially handwritten notes. But I’ve got to say, there’s nothing better than sitting in a clean room with a sandalwood candle burning, cello music playing, and a pile of gifts sitting& ready to be given. I’ve hit a few rough patches this summer, but nothing I haven’t been able to overcome. I’m itching to go to the outlets. Shopping just makes me happy, not really buying things, as much as seeing everything and being inspired. Malls offer free inspiration, I think. 

I realize I haven’t blogged in a few days, and I am most sorry about that. I’ve found a constant stream of thoughts to be most therapeutic. On an unrelated note, I ate a VERY spicy bowl of pasta for breakfast this morning. And for the first time ever, my mom bought me a 24-pack of AriZona tea without prompting! I was so excited. 

Nothing much is new with me, for now, except for that I realize that giving people things is just as (if not more) rewarding as receiving gifts. And my grandmother always asks me why I spend so much money on other people. It’s a sickness, one that I am not ashamed of. Because who ever criticizes someone who gives liberally to others. No one!

And that’s exactly why I never regret doing it. 

Dictionary Therapy

Today’s word is: 

ca·thar·tic /kəˈTHärtik/ : 

adjective 

1. providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions

ex: My conversations today with my very best friend and my boyfriend were cathartic. 

 

The word came up in conversation with Michael one time. He actually used it to describe a conversation he had with me where he spilled everything he was thinking. The great thing is, if you just talk to someone, sometimes all the feelings welled up inside will go away. The miraculous part is that they usually do not burden someone who cares about you. Talking to someone who cares just helps immensely because their listening ear provides a ventilation system for you. 

So, when I am distraught, I never fail to let it all out. Bottling up everything I am thinking is not okay. That’s kind of why I have a blog. 

IF there are any Harry Potter fans out there, I can relate these cathartic conversations to Albus Dumbledore’s Pensieve. It is a magical bowl-like object where Dumbledore can store his siphoned memories. He can then look at them without them causing him psychological fatigue. I wish I had one of those. But the best I have so far is just the listening ears of my friends and the pages of my journal. I’m not opposed to writing things down because it’s so therapeutic, it provides so much freedom of the mind. 

Anyway, I hope that if you are ever in dire need of psychological relief, you will turn to healthy channels such as talking, writing, reading or exercising (all of which, I assure you, are extremely helpful). 

I hope that you begin to engage in cathartic activities and that your mind will begin to be happy, and in turn, you spirit can be, too. ❤ 

Checklists& Other Successful Strategies

Good afternoon, fellow thinkers.

I cannot help but follow up completing a novel with a brief summary of my thoughts. As my previous blog mentioned, I checked out a copy of the ‘Checklist Manifesto’ by Atul Gawande. I spent a few brief hours reading through the book this morning. This surgeon-writer-genius did not disappoint with his insightful ideas about success and getting it right. How many times have you met a self-made successful person who wasn’t organized, driven and, might I venture, disciplined?

I’m finding, through reading and personal experience, that success isn’t even about being a shining star. It’s about working hard and knowing what you must do and then doing that. Let me give you a little background on my ideas about intelligence.

I’ve always been considered ‘smart’. And for a while, I shunned the label. But I realized, I am smart. I don’t claim to be intelligent or genius or anything, but I am smart. This is why I’m smart: I know how to be successful, [when I am seeking success] and I do what it takes to get there. A smart person finishes their homework and gets an ‘A’. Not because they are more gifted than anyone else, but because they sit down and put the time and effort in. It takes discipline, as Gawande made very clear in his manifesto. And perhaps I might share with you how to be smart. I can’t explain the way my brain works, I can’t give you my ability to reason; but I can give you the tools I use. The tools I use to stay on top are not out of reach from anyone.

I’ve been inspired by Gawande’s writings about checklists and the extraordinary success they allow us, so I will start with checklists.

5 Small-Steps-to-Success Strategies [off the top of my head]:

1. Checklists: Mine usually go in my planner. They consist of what I need to do for the day and what I want to do for the day. I use pens to write the words and to cross them out and to check off the boxes. A checked off box is one of life’s greatest joys. So, though checklists are mundane, they are powerful. Establish routine and establish consistency where necessary, and I guarantee it will never hurt you.

–Make a checklist

–Write things on the checklist

–Become successful!

2. Realistic Goals: Goal-setting is easy. But working toward the goals is not so easy. Goals need to be small to be reached. No great symphony was composed over night; no best-seller written in one sitting. Set small, realistic goals that you know you can reach. Figure out how you’re going to get there. [Hint: Checklists can help reach goals]

3. Positivity: It’s very easy to get down in the dumps with no hope for love, life, or happiness. That’s why you need to recognize when you’re being negative, lethargic and otherwise ignorantly cynical. Be positive, no matter what, and it is empowering. Believe you are happy and you eventually will be.

4. Dependability: Be dependable. Be punctual. Follow through. BE HONEST. Do what you say you will. You will gain friends, trust, and valuable resources that way. You must learn to depend on yourself, and be willing to depend on others. You must learn to balance dependability. But know this: if you want something done right, do it yourself. Apply this phrase liberally.

5. Discipline Yourself: Sorry, but sometimes, you have to give up the sugar in life. You have to give up social time, you have to give up what it is that you want most- or at least, you think you want the most. The best example I can think of is the triangle:

 

You can only pick two of these, because you must realize that your life and success have a balance. It’s just a silly example, but this is an example from a college student… and I know it’s so true.

 

Now that’s all I’ll spout at you. I’ve got one last personal tip, that I just wanted to save because it’s so precious to me.

Be immaculate. Be organized. Be clean. 

Oh, if we could abide by this! Minimalism! Practicality! Cleanliness!

Polished wood set with a burning candle and a shelf stacked high with organized files.

A room with a bed, a shelf, and a desk- everything in order. Tidiness is essential& I’m trying to paint that picture here!

BEFORE: No no no. OH NO. This is all wrong, this makes me sick, this makes me ill.

 

AFTER

 

Yes, yes. Perfect. Do you see what I’m trying to say? Visuals represent figurative ideas. If your life is anything like those first ‘before’ pictures, make a change right now. Become the ‘after’.

I’m not asking for impossible, I’m asking for willingness!

Try. 

 

The Health Benefits of Words & Reading

Good morning, good evening, and good night! 

Today, I’ve been really feeling the literature, the words, the pages, the books, the library, the agenda, the lists, the pens- and all associated materials and concepts. Plus, Michael mentioned something to me about Barnes and Noble, which reminded me of how much I love the smell of that store. Were it a perfume, I’d buy it. Because I’m weird like that, but I feel no shame. 

I went to the library today for the first time in over a year. It was refreshing and liberating. You see, you’re standing in front of a seemingly-endless collection of books and you can have as many as you want. That’s right: as many as you want. Free. Free information. You have no excuse for ignorance anymore, and that’s final! PS, as I write this, my hands are shaking from the iced caramel macchiato I had earlier today. 

So anyway, I started thinking that I really need to pull myself together. I started fresh with a new planner today, my list written and carefully completed throughout the day. 

Here’s a little bit about who I am, which you can derive from the books I checked out. 

I picked ‘The Checklist Manifesto’ by Atul Gawande, a surgeon/role model guy. If I research him further, I’ll probably blog about him, but for now I need to finish this new book and finish reading another novel of his called ‘Better’. It’s about work in the medical field. It is relevant to my career path. Then, I picked out a film called ‘Lincoln’. I’m sweet on Abraham Lincoln- another topic I’ll probably have to blog about. I found a couple random CD’s, as it is my constant journey to find new music. My neurons are hungry for new sound, I’m sorry Katy Perry- you are not the sound I want to hear anymore. 

Then, for my right brain appetite, I picked out a book called Decorate with Flowers- which I love flowers more than life. However, since flowers are full of life, that sentence doesn’t quite make sense, but make of it what you will. Flower and interior design are two of my little hobbies, I’d like to think. So you’ll find me reading Better Homes and Gardens, decorating magazines, and browsing Michael’s and Hobby Lobby with wonder in my eyes. How you choose to decorate your environment is so crucial. Why not have fun with it? 

I brought my little cousin and sister with me, so they could pick out books. Book reading is what turns people into geniuses, I strongly believe. The more you read, the more you write, the more you think, the more you understand and the more eloquent you become. It’s fantastic. I will, therefore, instill a passion for words in the hearts of my young friends while they are still pliable. 

When you need new ideas, new perspectives- well, books are your complaisant friends. You can reread them, you can highlight in them, write on them, tear pages out and frame the pages… you can burn them, you can even write them yourself. You can do whatever you want with books, because if you change your mind about how you feel, you can just go buy a fresh copy. I never want to be someone who has a bookshelf with unread books. That is just wrong. So wrong. 

Since this is about books and format and grammar and words, I will have a conclusion.

In conclusion,

I love books and I love reading and I love writing. Words give me wings to soar above others who choose to limit themselves to cursing and shaming other people. They are so stagnant and sad, I feel. So when you want to lose yourself and better your mind, open a book. You might be surprised that you will find yourself at home among the little ink’ed letters. 

Show of the Month: Vampire Diaries

Lately, I’ve found myself hooked on the Vampire Diaries… you could say the show is compelling. At the end of every episode, new and intriguing information is presented. Such intense plot twists and turns make it impossible not to click the ‘Play Next’ button on Netflix. I’d like to say that the show is intensely interesting. For anyone who has/does watch it, I’d just like to say that I am very torn between Damon and Stefan. It seems like everyone who watches the show chooses either Damon or Stefan- by I say, Why not have them both?

Ha, but that is the biggest issue of the entire show. The show has been around enough for me to know that Damon eventually ends up with Elena, which is kind of what I want. 

All the blood-sucking and killing gets gruesome after a while, but the love scenes are worth it. Most definitely, the acting and the portrayal of the vampires’ love is the best part of the show. So- yes- there is a definite reason it is classified in the drama section because it is full of drama. Although I think I’ve been watching too many consecutive episodes because I have a raging headache. 

Back to the point, I ask the question now: Damon or Stefan? 

Personality, I would probably pick Damon and for looks, I’d pick Stefan. Stefan is a real catch! But Damon- ah, Damon’s personality, wit, charm, sarcasm, and humor is quite fun. Okay, and he’s super hot. Just the way he carries himself, I mean. 

 

Or Stefan? 

 

It’s just really a draw. It’s really just an impossible decision. And Elena… well she has both of them after her. So, it’s basically a crazy show. Anyway, I think I haven’t ranted enough- but I’ve ranted plenty for now. 

More later. 

 

Patience is a Virtue

Where do I begin? Where do I end? What do I say? All I can say is, in July of 2013, I met one of the most special men in my life. I, of course, was not special to him, but he was to me and he never stopped being the one that I think of the most.

It started in a row of corn, where he taught me to pull tassels off of the corn plants. We talked, and fought, and mostly laughed. At the end of the hour, he had me under his spell. Just like that.

 

I think this is one of our first pictures together. He certainly was willing to take the picture, sure, but only out of politeness. I didn’t know how much or how little we had in common. All I knew was that he smelled good and he made me forget about everything around me.

Somehow, I found myself with him in the hotel room of the Embassy Suites at La Jolla in San Diego, CA. I found myself on the softest, cleanest, warmest bed- lying in his arms, his heart pounding incessantly. Eventually, I kissed him. First person to kiss- ever. And I realized that it was worth waiting, because kissing is nothing special unless it’s with someone you care about- and goodness knows I care about him. We were up into the night, very sleepy, though. I fell asleep once or twice on his lips- but I always awoke to his gentle touch as he swept my hair out of my face.

And somehow, talking to him makes me lighter- happier- warmer.

And I’ll not let him be bald AGAIN! haha

So his name is Michael. Probably my favorite person EVER. He’s funny and sweet and pretty much a bear.

 His smile reminds me of the ocean and the sun. And basically, if there’s anyone that I feel close to, it is him. And living in Phoenix, away from him in San Luis Obispo- well, it’s one of the harder things I’ll have to take on in life- but it’s worth it. No doubt.

Though I had to wait a year for him to come around, he did- as I knew he would. I just knew it. And so, my knight in shining armour is one very pink-cheeked boy from California, and I’m fine with it.

 

Mom’s Closet

The other day, I pulled down a box, dusted it off and I decided to try on my mom’s wedding dress for the first time in ages. It didn’t quite button all the way; I suppose I’m a little rounder than she was; boy was she small! But, it was a sweet feeling; wearing the dress she wore on that sacred day. A day when she started her life with my father, for better or for worse. For the better, I think, because she gave birth to me! She found me pulling her dress out from dust-coated plastic wrapping.

“What are you doing!”

“I’m trying on your dress!”

She chuckled. “Well, alright.” My hair was its usual scraggly mess. But she gave me a clip. I hastily pulled it back into a knotted mess. The neckline of the dress was flattering. My faux-voluminous hairstyle made me feel slightly sophisticated, if only for a moment. I realized, upon putting the dress on, that my wedding day- Lord willing- will be made beautiful, not by the white dress, but by the handsome groom at the alter.

The sparkle in his eyes, the warm reassurance of a best friend, waiting to greet you at the alter. Doesn’t matter the dress. Doesn’t matter the look. The beauty of the bride is radiant, in her purity and her love. Most of all, the beauty of the bride is in the eyes of the groom: her lover, her friend, her confidant, her partner in crime, her companion, and her one.

I began to feel happy inside, upon realizing these things. In spite of myself, I smiled-tiredly- and said:

“Mom, the sleeves are too puffy.”

 

Photographs and their filters…

I own an iPhone 5 which I am currently working on replacing- I dropped it at least 1,000 times and it finally shattered! But the point is, with this sleek and high-functioning device, I can snap photos quickly and easily. So, I do. I have recently loved to take profile pictures (literally, profile) of myself and put them through filters. I think that adding colors to your photographs makes them more fun and flirty! So, here’s a good site… befunky.com … I was in love with picnik.com and I think it was just a waste and pretty pathetic that they sold themselves to Google. The business probably tanked for them because NO ONE uses Google+! I was very sad at the loss of Picnik. So, I found befunky.com which I love to put my photos through all the time. So, have fun with photos and put them through colored filters or fun effects!