Seeing Life with open eyes

Dear Readers,

If you exist, that’s nice. Yet the existence of a small reader population does not lighten the academic burden that I bear.

How does one juggle Physics, Infectious Disease, Medical Microbiology, research applications, teaching two freshman-level college labs, and their own sanity? I’d say: carefully. But, I’m not all that careful either. I think the best way to go about things is with the mindset of ‘I shall do this.’ It is going to happen for me. Doesn’t matter how many emails I have to send, how many phone numbers I have to call, or how many miles I have to run in the freezing cold. I’m going to be successful.

I do have an illness, I think. I am… a perfectionist? You could say that. In other words, everything needs to go according to plan and I have to have perfect grades and if I don’t get a 105/100 on an exam, I’m failing. It’s just how I am, and I don’t know how I got to be this way because no one in my family is as crazy as I am.

So how do I keep my mind intact? Well, I have small moments of joy.

A run at the gym.

Lying in the north quad of my university campus in lush grass, laughing with a man who I care very much about.

Seeing my students and waving at them.

Drinking an occasional soda.

Naps.

Singing opera in the shower.

Joking about diapers with my professor.

So I’m not participating in all the things that 99% of humans think are so important. So? My life is difficult, yet it is more full than I can describe with my vocabulary. It is vivid and clear, it is filled with exhaustion- but I believe that true essence of life is not to skate around with everything going your way.

It is making mistakes, crying, being humiliated by your own naivety- and then it is victory, laughing uncontrollably, and being praised for your goodness.

It is to hear a ‘thanks’ when you hold open a door, or pour someone a glass of coffee.

It is noticing small things that you think only you can see, and then realizing that other people see them, too.

It is hitting the right note on a piano, finishing a book, climbing a mountain and watching a sunset.

Such richness does our life offer, but do we take it for granted? Do people drink away that most precious reality, to come into a falseness where their troubles are momentarily gone? Why would you sacrifice the pain and also sacrifice the true joy? You cannot appreciate good things without loss.

Do you carelessly squander the trust people have given you? Do you ever stop and truly listen to what people are saying? Do you actually care to know how someone is? 

I suppose I can go on and on, but what is true is never easy and what is easy is never true. So how do I manage hard work? I envision the pay-off that lies ahead, and I savor the good moments at my fingertips.

For the Love of Words

Well, I’m back. Post-breakup. Guess what brought me back to life? WORDS! Of my friends, of God, of books!

And I’m better than ever. I have more energy, I feel. And let me tell you all the extraordinary things people have been saying to me.

‘Sarah, I can see by your countenance that you haven’t been running.’ -Brad Hepner

Moral of said quote: I need to start exercising again. Ian Mills said: MAKE time. Well, if I could MAKE time, I’d be immortal or something.

I was playing with words, and reading through my journal; I found a brilliant quote from myself.–>

‘Ian is complacent & Lyn is complaisant.’ Here is a perfect example of what you can do with the English language. If you would look up the definition of these two words, you could then understand a key personality difference between these two humans in my life. Now, ofcourse, Ian isn’t truly complacent, but fundamentally, these words paint a picture with which I cannot argue.

‘We have bad farts, but good hearts’ -My roommates. I feel this speaks for itself. I, however, would like to say that I am not included in this ‘we’. But, I do have a good heart. 😉 Flatulence is a touchy subject for even the most despicable.

‘He was a million miles from a million dollars, but you could never spend his wealth.’ – One Republic.

Said quote is one that describes my life to a T. (A tee? A tea? I don’t know.)

Here is a bit of wisdom that I have learned and would like to share with the fellow human race:

When people are offended by something you’ve said, it’s because they know/believe it’s true and it upsets them that you pointed it out.

Here are a few rules to abide by, if you are character building:

1. Be your own person. There’s already a version of everyone else. You’re an original. Literally, no one else has the same DNA. Think about that one.

2. Have your own opinions, but know that your opinions are not end-all. It’s foolish to think so.

3. Learn to think. Read “The Little Blue Thinking Book” by Brandon Royal. You won’t regret purchasing this and perhaps passing it on to your loved ones, eventually.

4. Coffee isn’t THE way, but it is A way. And an EFFECTIVE way, at that.

5. Invest in cleaning supplies. A dirty floor is a sad, sad, sad floor.

6. Brush your hair out. It really makes a difference.

And finally-

7. Never forget and always remember that when someone loves you, you’ll know it. Love is a tremendous thing.

Yours, truly.

 

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” -Albus Dumbledore

 

Post-Mortem Diagnosis: Died of a Broken Heart

Hello.

For the record, I’d like to say that I realize now with an extraordinary amount of sorrow what it’s like to have your heart broken. Not because the one you love said you’re ugly or slapped you across the face. No. That’s not it. Not because he said you’re stupid and worthless and have no hope for life. No. That’s not it.

Rather, it’s because he said he doesn’t like your family. That, in essence, is far worse than all the preceding insults combined. That is to cut deep within the soul, and to leave it there bleeding. Yet WHAT kind of person will so easily disrespect the loved ones of their loved one? I know not. But I couldn’t have guessed that the feeling that has been eating away at my soul was because I could feel the dislike radiating from him toward the people I love the most in the world.

My friends, no one deserves that. I wouldn’t even wish it upon him.

I’d like to say that I don’t really have words to describe how much it hurts to think about.

I don’t have words to describe how empty I feel that he doesn’t even know how to apologize, that he never will, and he will probably never know that he needs to. All I can say is that I hope he never does this to anyone else. No woman deserves such sorrow.

Before he dropped this bomb of Cold War caliber, I was going to give him this quote to describe how I’ve been feeling uncared for.

 

“When men are respected, they feel cherished. When women are cherished, they feel respected.”

And, unfortunately, I feel neither cherished nor respected and I never did. And, unfortunately, that is the truth.

Mom’s Closet

The other day, I pulled down a box, dusted it off and I decided to try on my mom’s wedding dress for the first time in ages. It didn’t quite button all the way; I suppose I’m a little rounder than she was; boy was she small! But, it was a sweet feeling; wearing the dress she wore on that sacred day. A day when she started her life with my father, for better or for worse. For the better, I think, because she gave birth to me! She found me pulling her dress out from dust-coated plastic wrapping.

“What are you doing!”

“I’m trying on your dress!”

She chuckled. “Well, alright.” My hair was its usual scraggly mess. But she gave me a clip. I hastily pulled it back into a knotted mess. The neckline of the dress was flattering. My faux-voluminous hairstyle made me feel slightly sophisticated, if only for a moment. I realized, upon putting the dress on, that my wedding day- Lord willing- will be made beautiful, not by the white dress, but by the handsome groom at the alter.

The sparkle in his eyes, the warm reassurance of a best friend, waiting to greet you at the alter. Doesn’t matter the dress. Doesn’t matter the look. The beauty of the bride is radiant, in her purity and her love. Most of all, the beauty of the bride is in the eyes of the groom: her lover, her friend, her confidant, her partner in crime, her companion, and her one.

I began to feel happy inside, upon realizing these things. In spite of myself, I smiled-tiredly- and said:

“Mom, the sleeves are too puffy.”

 

iPhone 5 Cases

What do we all keep on us? Our phone. For those of us with iPhones, we know how precious it is to us. So what happens when you’re a fashionista or you simply want to have class? The iPhone becomes an accessory. So as I was browsing, I decided to scoop up a few of my fave cases. I hope you enjoy looking at them. I have a love for everything vintage. However, I’ve got some links here so you can shop around. Phone cases are a GREAT gift. You really can’t go wrong when you buy one. So these pieces of art will shout out “I AM fashionable. I AM with it. I DO care about my phone.” They also make great gifts. 😉

xoxo

http://store.griffintechnology.com/griffin-designer-series/elizabeth-foster

http://store.griffintechnology.com/griffin-designer-series/derrick-castle

http://www.zazzle.com/iphone5+cases

I was really impressed with this Lincoln case. He’s my fave president! 😉

evolution of music, perhaps??

Let me warn you now, I’m obsessed with florals!!

this one reminds me of my own longboard. my longboard has such an owl, as well. I LOVE the bird as an art-form.

I was very impressed with this case!! I don’t know why. What attention to detail and simplicity! It’s stunning!

I LOVE Instagram

So, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth (don’t worry). I have been pretty busy, however I am creating a Christmas decoration video, so I’m probably going to have that on later tonight. For the time being, I’d just like to admit to my complete obsesh with Instagram! I don’t think it’s lame or for ‘hipsters’. I think it’s totally adorable. It’s got these perfectly cute squares that capture all the little things and you can put any gorgeous filter on it & zoom in on focal points. I would definitely recommend it as an app for everyone! Usually, I use Brannan or Amaro & x-pro II…(those are my go-to). I want to start using Toaster more.. it gives the pics a more boho & Roxy/PacSun vibe. Any time I hit up the beach, I want to filter my pics with Toaster!! Have a good day loves, and I will be randomly posting pics from my Instagram!!!!

Love and Kisses,

Sarah Marie

These were filtered w/ Brannan. Hope you like!! ❤