Dear Readers,
If you exist, that’s nice. Yet the existence of a small reader population does not lighten the academic burden that I bear.
How does one juggle Physics, Infectious Disease, Medical Microbiology, research applications, teaching two freshman-level college labs, and their own sanity? I’d say: carefully. But, I’m not all that careful either. I think the best way to go about things is with the mindset of ‘I shall do this.’ It is going to happen for me. Doesn’t matter how many emails I have to send, how many phone numbers I have to call, or how many miles I have to run in the freezing cold. I’m going to be successful.
I do have an illness, I think. I am… a perfectionist? You could say that. In other words, everything needs to go according to plan and I have to have perfect grades and if I don’t get a 105/100 on an exam, I’m failing. It’s just how I am, and I don’t know how I got to be this way because no one in my family is as crazy as I am.
So how do I keep my mind intact? Well, I have small moments of joy.
A run at the gym.
Lying in the north quad of my university campus in lush grass, laughing with a man who I care very much about.
Seeing my students and waving at them.
Drinking an occasional soda.
Naps.
Singing opera in the shower.
Joking about diapers with my professor.
So I’m not participating in all the things that 99% of humans think are so important. So? My life is difficult, yet it is more full than I can describe with my vocabulary. It is vivid and clear, it is filled with exhaustion- but I believe that true essence of life is not to skate around with everything going your way.
It is making mistakes, crying, being humiliated by your own naivety- and then it is victory, laughing uncontrollably, and being praised for your goodness.
It is to hear a ‘thanks’ when you hold open a door, or pour someone a glass of coffee.
It is noticing small things that you think only you can see, and then realizing that other people see them, too.
It is hitting the right note on a piano, finishing a book, climbing a mountain and watching a sunset.
Such richness does our life offer, but do we take it for granted? Do people drink away that most precious reality, to come into a falseness where their troubles are momentarily gone? Why would you sacrifice the pain and also sacrifice the true joy? You cannot appreciate good things without loss.
Do you carelessly squander the trust people have given you? Do you ever stop and truly listen to what people are saying? Do you actually care to know how someone is?
I suppose I can go on and on, but what is true is never easy and what is easy is never true. So how do I manage hard work? I envision the pay-off that lies ahead, and I savor the good moments at my fingertips.
Sarah Means Princess 